Welcome to The Addy Club

I was diagnosed with ADHD 8ish years ago, and it felt like a revelation.  Learning this made me feel seen, and many of my previous life experiences started to make a LOT more sense. 

After receiving my ADHD diagnosis, I was able to start learning and researching the topic, this transformed how I functioned daily. I know that sounds dramatic but this gave me the mental space to function, plan and prioritize things in my life. It helped me feel free from the internal chaos I had unknowingly been living in.

In the years that followed, I became fascinated (borderline obsessed) with exploring all things ADHD. Keep in mind this is PRE-Tiktok where information — and misinformation — about ADHD has since blown up!!

As I scoured studies and websites, I was most surprised to find out the number of women who, like me, are diagnosed late (or not diagnosed at all) with ADHD. Diagnosis really matters because ADHD can be debilitating when undiagnosed.

ADHD is more than the chronic primary symptoms because when untreated, they result in secondary emotional effects that go misdiagnosed as anxiety and depression (more on this another day!!). ADHD affects all facets of life: school and career, relationships, and self-esteem and self-image.

This project has been 4 years in the making so I have a lot more to say… here’s my story in four parts including how it lead to creation of The Addy Club:

• Late-diagnosed girlies stand up: Psychoeducational tests can fail us

• My learnings and unlearnings: If I had a nickel for everytime an experience was unknowingly linked to my undiagnosed ADHD… 

• The three Cs of my journey with ADHD: Communicating, connection and compassion

• Inspo Behind The Addy Club: What led us here and where we hope to go

Late-diagnosed girlies stand up🙋🏻‍♀️

As the only kid (I have 3 siblings) in my family to not be placed in the gifted program my parents were worried about me... lol. My family is very academic and high-achieving and I grew up feeling stupid in comparison. It never occurred to me that there was any other factor contributing to my inability to meet the standards set out for me. 

Even when we looked for support, an ADHD diagnosis was missed on two different psychoeducational tests I had a few years apart. I slipped through the cracks twice because I didn’t meet enough of the DSM-IV criteria for a formal diagnosis. This is the case for MANY women. The criteria in the DSM-IV are outdated and mostly built on the male presentation of ADHD. I was finally diagnosed on my third test.

After my visit with the psychologist was over, there was so little I knew about ADHD. To this day I’m astonished by the lack of detail provided post-diagnosis. I was also frustrated by the long waitlists for any ADHD specialists and never ended up seeing one after not hearing back.

My learnings and unlearnings: If I had a nickel for everytime an experience was unknowingly linked to my undiagnosed ADHD…  

I found that much of my learning was UNlearning the false beliefs and negative stories I had heard and internalized about myself throughout my life. The common sentiment I heard from teachers, coaches, and adults was that I had potential but needed to try harder. People who are late-diagnosed hear this countless times throughout their lives.

One of my coaches called me 'Lackadaisical Lucie', likely unknowingly referring to my undiagnosed ADHD symptoms. My piano teacher told my parents she thought I may be dyslexic because of my frequent errors while reading music. In hindsight, I can attribute those mistakes to my working memory deficit, common in those with ADHD. 

Girls and women with ADHD are often called 'spacey' and are told they have their ‘head in the clouds’ and are written off as lazy or apathetic. The ADHD behaviours of women and girls don't fit the caricature held in the collective public eye.

When people who don't know much about ADHD hear the acronym, they think hyperactive. In reality it looks much different, especially in women. One reason for this is that women and girls internalize their difficulties and blame themselves rather than acting them out. This happens at a very young age — this video makes me want to CRY — that’s why diagnosis is so important.

For years I conceptualized myself as fundamentally lacking the concentration and discipline to be who I wanted to be or was told I could be. I just needed to try harder, right? Throughout high school, my internal voice reminded me to fix these flaws through dedication and hard work. I just needed to wake up earlier, try harder, and not complain. Even when I was diagnosed, I thought I would grow out of it  because I didn’t know of any women with ADHD. 

The three Cs of my journey with ADHD: Communicating, connection and compassion

The belief that you’re personally at fault for ADHD symptoms (which again, women generally experience) contributes to the feelings of embarrassment or shame that prevent them from reaching out and getting the help they need. Even after diagnosis, internal emotional barriers like shame can last for years and prevent women from thriving in their relationships and careers. 

In university, I hesitated to ask profs for the accommodations (like class transcripts or additional time for exams) I often needed. When I did ask, it often felt like an ongoing negotiation because every semester it had to be done for each individual course (10 times a year!!). Each time I asked for them, I faced the thoughts that convinced me I was asking for an advantage, not an accommodation. I avoided telling anyone else about my ADHD unless I needed to.

At the time, I didn't feel equipped to explain the compounding effects ADHD had on my life and was afraid of being dismissed. I lacked the fundamental language, never mind the confidence needed to share what I was experiencing and advocate for the support I needed. Because ADHD is just a lack of attention, right?

Once I started sharing with friends (some who were also diagnosed) it was SO helpful. We had so many shared experiences and could talk forever about it. Learning more is what led to self-understanding.

Overcoming internalized beliefs about ADHD and understanding it’s actual effects and symptoms was a journey, but connecting with friends who shared similar experiences provided a supportive network that fostered self-compassion. It eventually empowered me to ask for help and feel good about the ways I worked differently than others. I felt less shame and felt I could communicate my experience (to profs or family) if I needed to.

Inspo Behind The Addy Club: What led us here and where we hope to go

As you can tell, I have spent so much energy and time understanding ADHD and what it’s all about. 

This is what I learnt:

• Importance of diagnosis and education: Education about neurodivergent brains and ADHD is a vital tool. It gives people the language to share their experiences and ask for what they need to function day-to-day. Understanding my primary symptoms and their secondary effects has been groundbreaking for my treatment because I no longer hold myself to neurotypical standards. Why did it take me so long to collect the information to understand it this way?

• Integration into self-concept: When it comes to dealing with ADHD, it's not just about picking up new strategies and managing symptoms. It's a journey of discovering how you think and react, shedding old beliefs about willpower and blame. The self-doubt and negative talk that often tag along with ADHD can really weigh you down. Embracing all aspects of yourself is key to boosting self-esteem, improving how you talk to yourself, and building a strong inner core that doesn’t reel from shame when ADHD symptoms inevitably happen. Why isn’t the emotional impact of undiagnosed ADHD part of the regular chat with healthcare pros?

• Need for community: Sharing my experience with friends led to the realization that I'm not alone in these struggles. If that's the case, why then did I think I was alone for so long?

It’s the questions above that inspired the idea of The Addy Club. The Addy Club is born out of my experience and the collective experience of women with ADHD.

As we build The Addy Club, I will revisit this question: What is it that younger me would have needed to feel empowered and confident? 

Here’s where I think we can start:

• Awareness: 

  • Help people learn without scouring the internet and provide credible information

• Building community and representation:

  • See others with ADHD empowered and help empower others 

  • Hearing about other people’s stories and seeing how they navigate their spaces with ADHD

That’s what we hope to accomplish with The Addy Club. We hope you’ll stick around to see it’s evolution.